Throughout  the past 14 years of raising 3 boys I have made many observations in which I have kept written in my journals.  Even though I have 2 brothers, I never really noticed much about my brothers and their behaviors for whatever reasons.  I often wished somebody had told me, warned me, shared with me in some way, the realities of boys.

So, in the spirit of sharing, following are just some of my valuable observations.

1.  Boys will be boys.   No matter how many times somebody tells you this is just a cliche is lying to you or has never raised a boy.

2.  Boys travel in packs.  Very rarely will you see a lone boy pedaling his bike, skateboarding or doing anything else alone.  If they are alone, it is only because they are waiting for somebody.  Even if they have not yet met the lad, they will say nothing and continue waiting for others to join.

3.  Boys can not stop their bodies from expelling air from orifices on their bodies.  If you tell them to hold it in, they firmly believe they will explode, so don't even bother asking.  Just ask them to follow it up with an "excuse me". 

4.  Boys have an amazing ability to see/smell, dirt/ mud from any distance, at anytime, anywhere.  Once they have found it, the must go to it, stomp in it and touch it.  Don't try to avert them.  They will only locate an even larger mass of the substance while you're not looking.  This keen sense seems to increase when you're at a formal affair.   Do not be alarmed if they accidentally ingest the dirt or mud.  Their bodies have some sort of system within them that allows the dirt to be expelled from their ears.  Just be sure to check their ears regularly.

5.  Boys have their own language.  Sometimes it is in the form of something like sign-language.   Other times it is closer to the sounds of swines or sows.  More times than not, it is a combination of the two.  Grunting, snorting, spitting, hissing, popping, choking sounds, screaming, and other indescribable sounds are common.  Remember, all of these sounds can be combined with hand/finger movements that mean something entirely different.  If it is just arm/hand movements without any sounds, it much easier to figure out.  Do not feel they can are "speech delayed" and run out to have him evaluated by a speech therapist.  You are wasting your money!

6.  Boys do not understand what a "restroom" is.  Don't even use this term.  They have their own words for this. Be forewarned that if he is outdoors with a pack, and suddenly needs to "go" he will announce it, and "go" wherever he thinks is a good spot.  If he is indoors, do not expect him to put the seat down or be neat about it.  He is on a mission.  Once the mission is completed there is no looking back.  Get used to it.

7.  There are unwritten rules about boys and their packs.  Conflict is a given and they will resolve it.  Don't freak out if the conflict includes name-calling, pushing, tackling, chasing one another, grunting, gesturing, more name-calling and tackling.  This is normal and typically has a quick resolution.  Just pretend you're watching a football game, you'll make it a lot easier on yourself.  Somebody has to win and somebody has to give in.

8.  If a parent contacts you, about something they describe as "inappropriate" investigate it yourself first.  Calmly ask the other parent to describe the incident.  If they describe anything you've read above smile, sound glad that you know your kid isn't bleeding to death,  and say, "Thanks for telling me!"  If it's something you have not yet seen or heard, again, say, "Thanks for telling me", just don't sound glad or smile.  Either way you win.  Get it?  Mom's of boys know what this means.  If you don't get it yet, you will.

These things I have described are for boys between the ages of birth through around age 10.   This age can vary depending upon various factors.  Just be reassured that experiencing any of these things can happen at any given time and suddenly reappear again.   Keep your cool and forget about being PC.  You wont find your son on Ritalin at age 2, sitting in a Pediatric Therapist office, driving to countless specialists or even worse, finding yourself on the verge of insanity.  Just remember, boys are boys and will be boys. 

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